Tommy and Jimmy - On Lesbians

Pretext: Just hours before Tommy told Jimmy Sheila just might be gay. Jimmy is freaked out.

Scene: On the deck of Tommy’s house drinking brews over a barbecue.

Tommy: You. You should be happy you’re wife’s a Lesbian

Jimmy: What?

Tommy: Yeah I mean think about it. I’m a guy, you used to be a guy, we both know guys suck okay? Who would you prefer; her sucking on a couple of tits or her hanging around some hungry hopped up on Viagra shit-head, who’s… got two secret gym-bags full of DVD porn?

Jimmy: True true… by the way where do you keep those gym-bags?

Tommy: Wouldn’t you like to know.

Y’know I’ll tell you brother, I am Pro-lesbian, I am a BIG supporter of the lesbian community.

Jimmy: Really?

Tommy: Yeah I wish my daughter was a lesbian.

Jimmy: Which one?

Tommy: Both. I wouldn’t have to give em a pill for that.

Yeah sometimes I think gay guys really got it made y’know?

Jimmy: How’s that?

Tommy: Well think about it you’re a guy and you’re with a guy with the same interests as you that’s like a win win situation man, you know, first of all you both like to have a lot of  sex, second of all if you’re both interested in sports you can go to hockey games basketball games football baseball. It’s all blow jobs and ball games.

Jimmy: Blow jobs and ball games?

Tommy: Yeah.

Jimmy: Nah nah no. Any long-term relationship has the same underlying engine no matter what the sexual affiliation might be. You fall in love you move in together then after a while it’s just burning mutual resentment. You got ongoing arguments about the division of household labor and secret evil plans to piss each other off.

Tommy: So basically, even if you and I were blowing each other... were doomed.

Jimmy: …Yeah.

Tommy: Right.

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